So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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