Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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