I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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