I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
