Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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