She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
