I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
