i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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