i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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