and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
