It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
