Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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