when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
