So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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