He had one of those small greek statue penises
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
