i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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