Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
