There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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