You made me cry and you don't even care
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
