u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize