forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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