so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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