All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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