Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
