so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
