Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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