so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
