It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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