When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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