Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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