The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
