Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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