two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
