birth control should be required to get into college
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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