my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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