Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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