Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
