White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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