By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's just like the Real World with babies
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
