i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
