the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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