I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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