I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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