I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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