There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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