This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
