I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
