I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
