i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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