great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
