i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
