so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
