Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
