She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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