just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
