So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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