why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he thought i was a dude.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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